Uncomplicated Love

We said good-bye to our puppy this week.  We didn’t “put her down” or “euthanize her”.  We said “good-bye” with compassion and love.  We lifted her up out of her suffering to the arms of angels. 

Clara was part of our pack for nearly 13 years. 

I had sworn off having a dog.  I wasn’t going to take care of a dog and four children.  I was working and in graduate school.  I didn’t need more to do. 

Then came the day while sitting with women at a conference discussing their dogs and families that maybe a dog would be a good thing.  They could be the companion to the youngest child.  The one left behind when everyone else went to college.  He needed a dog.  That seemed right.  It would be for Jasper. 

I came home from the gathering and told my family, “we should get a dog.”  It only took a few moments and we found Clara. 

Clara has been in the fabric of this household giving it color and shape.  Welcoming strangers with “excited peeing”.  Breaking silence with sharps barks and giving our hearts a jolt   Nipping at the heels of the poor soul remodeling our kitchen.  Staring at us until we finally gave her the crumbs from our plates.  Nudging for a loving pet.    Taking all the leg room of the bed.  Leading our walks.  Greeting the college bound child home with a pile of socks. 

Now I wonder about this having a dog for the sake of the youngest.  Was it just for him?

Maybe, just maybe this puppy was for me to have when each child left the nest.  She was relentlessly still here to care for.  To listen to me as I rattled on in the kitchen.  To walk with morning and night.  She was my companion as the house grew quieter and quieter. 

I grieve now.  Deeper than I want.   My daughter told me it was because the love Clara gave to us was uncomplicated.  Simple.  She came with no baggage or expectation.  Except for treats.  Clara just wanted to love. 

I also know this grief comes with knowing this part of my journey is over.  Clara was with me as I sent off the children.  She helped me as a new daily rhythm moved into the household.  She remained steadfast and true.  Walked with me until she couldn’t anymore.  Then greeted me when I came home telling of my travels.    

I am sorry for the difficulty in the end, but we did it together. 

I thank-you, Clara for your uncomplicated love.  And for letting me love you.