I wondered for about two years what it would mean to have my house empty of children. What it would be to not have the day to day school and athletic activities. Not have the worries of the comings and goings of my children. To not make meals for my once 4 picky eaters. Not do laundry for hours. Now grocery shopping would include only for myself and another. Often just for myself.
When I thought about my baby leaving, a guttural emotion pushed up through my throat and the unfamiliar sound of grief surprised me every time. Now what? How can this be over? I’m not done….
When my youngest went off to college, I started to write what I was feeling with this so called empty nest. That was last fall, 2019. The emptiness of space overwhelmed me. Weekly I reflected. I knew I needed to plod down this path.
Without the distracting energy of my children, I opened to the true realities of my marriage, my insecurities, my wanting, and the reality of codependency. I felt lost.
I also knew I could be found.
I noticed the constants in my life to help me. My God stayed unchanged. I have a loving and present God and I knew God was with me, nudging me. Wanting me to come back to myself. Realize what God wanted of me and for me all along.
I took time in places that helped me. My screened in porch, my morning chair, my meetings and my daily routines of exercise. They all held me as I wondered. I could not do this without these constants.
I write this blog to continue the journey of the middle years and beyond. This blog is not just for me but for those who come to this place disoriented as well. I know that in community we find God and we find kindred spirits. As we come together, we are strengthened, helped to be who God has hoped us to be all along.