Everything feels annoying to me right now. Waiting for my husband to get out of surgery. It is never as short as they tell you. At least with him.
Surrounded by strangers. Many cultures with all their ways of living in the world. We are all just wondering what is happening with our loved ones. Trying to look calm.
My anger and frustration is not just for the day. It is where I am right now. Angry. I must do this wilderness work that makes me look at my true self when it really is more innate to look at everyone else lives. And, blame everyone else.
A quote from David Brook’s The Second Mountain– “The leanness of wilderness life prepares you for intimacy with yourself. Sometimes that surfaces the pain. There are the red-hot memories of past failures and past grief…There are your own bad actions that flow from these wounds-your tendency to lash out, or your tendency to be hyper afraid of abandonment, or your tendency to be in-communicative and to withdraw at the first sign of stress.”
Brooks goes on to quote Henri Nouwen “your pain is deep and it won’t go away..It is also uniquely yours, because it is linked to some of your earliest life experiences. Your call is to bring the pain home. As long as your wounded part remains foreign to your adult self, your pain will injure you as well as other. Brooks ends, “suffering not transformed is transmitted.” (Brooks, The Second Mountain, pg. 40)
Well, I guess this is the time and man or woman it is not fun. Be patient. Everyone.
