Hope

 But Mary treasured all these words and pondered them in her heart. Luke 2:19

I moved through December with hope. The long month of dry sidewalks and unseasonable temps helped me. There were the walks at 4:30 p.m. as the sun set and the lights in the neighborhood luminated the air.

A storm hit the day before Christmas. Driving to preside at worship on Christmas eve seemed a necessary reminder that the coming to a stable heavy with child wasn’t all that easy. The long arduous trek to Bethlehem is never fully understood. The simplicity of having a baby in the middle of the night with drowsy animals, an unfamiliar midwife and a bewildered husband was not that simple. It was a matter of life and death for the mother and child. And, for humanity. For the world, the baby was life that broke through in the darkness. Life that would one day change death. That night angels sang “hope is here.”

This time between Christmas and New Years Day feels tangled with emotions. Grief that comes after a celebration. Wanting like a child to not have it over with. Having unmet expectations of how it was supposed to be, whatever that is. Restless anticipation of what is ahead. This new year.

I reflect on this year to what was given and what was taken away. There was so much in it. The waves of hopelessness and despair countered with contentment to just being home. Being glad for masks and missing a smile. Losing the sense of security that came with living in this country. Realizing then how much I love the people who walk with me in life.

In all of it, there was hope.

As I leave this year, I dress myself and put this hope in the pocket of my dress. Circumstances I have wrestled in 2020 I know will be there when January 1 arrives. That’s okay. My pocket is full.

What it this hope? Hope is realized when looking outside at the vast white blanket there is heard the neighborhood alive with children sliding down to the frozen pond meeting the ice with glorious laughter. Hope comes as communities of birds take turns at my neighbor’s feeder. Each getting enough and leaving quickly for the next to take its turn. I see the hope as another evening reveals a red band set below the stark blue sky. I settle in with hope as my heart remembers the family that were met with excited shepherds as they told of the fulfilled dreams this little one lying in the manger will bring. And, knowing the kings that never questioned the stars are not far behind.