Day one
It’s Sunday of Labor Day week-end. My baby is on day two of his new life as a college student. I have put this grief off until this morning and I had the energy to let it in.
The first punctuation of this movement was walking into the grocery store. Apples. My baby loves apples. Do we have enough at home for him….? Oh, that’s right. He’s not there.
I look around thinking I have no one to buy for anymore. At least until break.
Then I remember and wonder, what do I want to eat this week? Chili. I’ll have chili.
Day two
I’m eating my chili for a second day in a row. I keep waiting for someone to come home. All the while the hum of a frog chorus rests in the background and my dog, Clara stares waiting for something to drop from my spoon.
One week later
It is Monday and the sun is rising and I am on my porch. Just a hint of a chill in the air. The frogs and crickets are still making their presence known as the pulse of cars in the distance harmonize with their song.
It is Monday. What a beautiful day.
Waking later than I did when children were home, I am trying to capture this time of stillness. Who am I now? What am to let go of and what do I need to receive? There floats the recurring question in my heart, what is God’s desire for me?
I think I would rather just feel the stillness. Receive that and wait. Seems a bit less scary. It is hard to imagine a desire that is for just me and not for we.
I can just wait in the quiet that is on my porch. Seems like enough for now.
