Hello world!

and then there was me…

I wondered for two years what it would mean to have my house empty of children.  What it would be to not have the day to day school and athletic activities.  Not have the worries of the comings and goings of my children.  To not make meals for my once 4 picky eaters.  Not do laundry for hours.  Now grocery shopping would include only for myself and another.  Often just for myself.   When I thought about my baby leaving, the guttural emotion of grief pushed up through my throat.  How can this be over? I’m not done.

When my youngest of four went off to college, I started to write what I was feeling with this so called empty nest.  That was last fall, 2019.  Vacancy overwhelmed me.  Weekly I reflected.  I needed to plod down this path.  Get through the heaviness that weighed me down. 

I noticed the constants in my life to help me.  My God stayed unchanged.  I have a loving and present God and I knew God was with me, nudging me along.  Wanting me to come back to myself.  Coming back to me.  This time was not just about loss, it was also about finding.

I took time to reflect in places that helped me.  My screened porch, my morning chair and my daily routines of exercise held me as I wondered.  The wonderful distraction of my children left and I saw the realities of my marriage, my insecurities, my wanting, and my identity in others.

I write this blog to continue the journey of the middle years and beyond.  I will include the thoughts written prior to COVID19 and those current. This blog is not just for me but for those who come to this place disoriented as well.  I know that in community we find God and we find kindred spirits.  As we come together, we are strengthened, helped to be who God has seen us to be all along.