Week 4 day one
The sun is breaking through the residuals of the night. It is taking it’s time. Not excited to start the day. I know I’m not. I would be content to stay here. On the foundation that is my porch. Listening to the persistent frogs. Not the same song of spring and summer frogs. But, the autumn frog melody. I wish I could see each frog as they hum next to each other. I would love to hear the soprano section first, then the alto, then the tenor and finally the bass. Then all together. It could be there are different frogs for each section and purpose.
We are in the first days of fall, and that always brings about a new song. Demands it, really. Autumn asks, “what are you willing to let go of ?” as it sings along with the frogs.
Week 4 day 2
On my own for day three. The my love and my qualifier is off at a conference. Space is good to reflect and quite frankly feel peace. Today’s 12 step meeting we each pondered what is God’ will? The quote we read sited Martin Luther who had said “I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God’s hands, that I still possess.” What do I put in your hands? My life.
Week 4 day 3
The skies glimpse with intermittent calls of geese flying South. I pray for them to be safe and protected. From the winds, rains, storms, fire of guns. They are going home. I wonder if they think of the South as home. Or, is it North.
Where is my home? This house that I called home, the one I rest in every night feels differently from last month, last year, 5 years ago. Now what do I call this place where I live? A place that holds a dog that is always ready for lunch and a good petting. A husband that when he is here is distracted wondering about his own life. Is this still my home?
I know that I will have my children here, again. That will feel like home. Just a little different. But, home.
Week 4 day 4
My baby is sick at college. Needing attention. Some care. Phone calls have to be enough. It’s what I gave everyone else. He can do this. God is there, too. And, friends. Angels in the midst.
The breeze brings the yellow leaves tumbling to the ground, as the tree with deep green stands by observing. Transition comes naturally.
Week 4 day 5
Last day of the first month while without my babies in the nest. I talk to them at least weekly, but text more often. Sending Bitmojies. Loving them as I send each that is descriptive to my emotions for them the moment. It can be fun. That is what gives us all joy as we adjust to life apart.
I move through grief. There is so much to grieve. At this moment, it feels better to just clump this grief in one big…thing, my new life. My life now that I am not a band mom, life now that I don’t go to cross country meets, swim meets, volleyball games. Life not having to drive anyone around. Life without caring if I come home (except for the dog). My life that has less little messes and gross bathrooms. Life that leaves me wondering inside rather than outside my head. It is a lot easier to grieve over one big transition. Life with just me….and God.
